VERB: An action or occurrence or a state of being.

Noun: The name of a person, place, thing, quality or idea.

I started my journey seeking what I believe about God the noun.

I found God the verb.

God is a state of being, the universe of being.

The source of comfort and love for all of creation.

God is contrasting the hate, hurt and unspeakable evil.

Light versus dark.

Good versus evil.

Ying and Yang.

Reality versus dreams.

It is all God, and collectively is our state of being.

Embrace the dark side, wallow in it’s collective force.

Recognize the horror of its embrace before it consumes you.

Embrace the light, bask in the joy and love.

Recognize the wonder, mystery, and delight.

Choose the state of being you want in your life.

No matter your choice you have found God.



Humanity is more than consciousness; animals are conscious; living, playing, eating and reproducing they are aware of the moment they live in. Humanity alone goes beyond consciousness to a new level we call self-awareness. We seek meaning in life, worry about dying and prepare ourselves for future events. Self-awareness provides depth to our life at a high cost. The cost is chronic anxiety.

Unlike animals we seek ways to deal with chronic anxiety. We use drugs, coffee to get us started, alcohol to slow us down, pills to tranquilize us and tobacco to give us comfort. We have sought religion to answer our questions of meaning and morality.

To achieve security we demand that religion be inerrently true, doubt not allowed. Our immaturity requires that the religion we choose be the only “true religion.” Instead of encouraging the growth of our humanity, religion seeks to keep us wrapped in a cocoon of childlike immaturity. The same can be said of Atheists who insist their view of nature as Godless is the only “true” view.

Throughout history worldwide religions, Christianity, and Islam included; believe they possessed the inerrant truth. They traffic in security giving doctrines of faith and grace, love and protection. Once we recognize that we can never possess the ultimate truth only seek it; a new pilgrimage begins. We no longer must convert others to our one “true religion” when our maturity begins to allow many viewpoints.

Do you wonder why Christianity is in decline? Attempts to convert others to one true religion repels more people than it attracts. Insisting on the literal belief in miracles and signs insults the intelligence of a 21st-century human. Sometime after Jesus walked the earth and shared his message of love and acceptance of others theologians high jacked the story and sought to find meaning in his horrible death. They settled on the destructive message of atonement for the sins of mankind. They made God into a monster who could not forgive without the brutal human sacrifice of Jesus. Portraying God as a punishing parent and Jesus as the passive victim leads humanity to view themselves as guilt-ridden killers responsible for Jesus’ death. This theological line of reasoning seeks us to act as slaves, falling to our knees and begging for mercy. By throwing this traditional theology aside, we can see the true message of Jesus as a beacon to achieving abundant life. Jesus preached about love, acceptance and overcoming boundaries dividing the human community.

To survive the Christian church must transform the guilt-ridden liturgies and consider new interpretations of the legendary man in whom the presence of God was more pronounced than in anyone throughout history. Myths about supernatural achievements do not solidify faith in the modern era. Such stories were used by 1st-Century authors to demonstrate the strong connection Jesus had with God. By the time the Gospels were written little was known about Jesus’ life but much of his teaching survived. One must sort stories written to fulfill Old Testament prophecy from stories of his teaching. Sorting out the actual message that Jesus shared is no easy task.

The factual nature of Jesus’ life stories are questionable, but even some passages of basic teaching are probably fiction. Some passages thought to be the earliest teaching of Jesus are peppered with a philosophy expounded by a class of Greek prophets called cynics. For several hundred years, they challenged authorities by living an austere life devoid of material wealth and power. In the first century, you could find them standing on street corners where they lectured on the evils of the material life. One must ask if Jesus preached this message or if the Greek author used this philosophy to expound on his view of how to live a good and righteous life. Once again uncertainty rules and the fact that we can never really know the full story is reinforced.

Today Christian denominations are floundering without a modern view of the Christ experience. They have the 1st-century view of Jesus provided in the New Testament. The 4th-century doctrines and creeds and the 13th-century guilt ridden liturgies. Not only are they reluctant to move onto a 21st-Century view of Religion they are vehemently opposed to change.

Many citizens in the 21st-Century are atheists who embrace the vast universe and would never consider something they don’t understand a miracle. Today’s religion is considered a holdover from a long passed barbaric time. Throwing God out with the bath water takes no great intellectual effort, leaving a void and emptiness in their understanding of life.

We no longer live in a world where God lives above the sky, and things we don’t understand are described as miracles.  Many of the religious words are signposts and symbols of the presence of a guiding force in nature we label God. To survive Christian denominations have a monumental task of seeing their religious words as symbols, not as stated, rational truths.

Self-awareness, the spark of life within all of humanity observes the universe in all of its glory and warts. An all knowing God uses this spark or is this spark, connecting all of nature. To seek divinity is to explore fully our humanity.  We won’t find God on the outside of life but in the depths and complexity of life itself. We must acknowledge that we can never fully know God and will forever be limited to expressing God from the limited experiences of humanity.

The Christian faith needs to seek the truth of God and in the process make the world a better place. Recognizing we will seek yet never find the ultimate truth. Motivating the world toward a kinder, gentler acceptance of all of humanity is the best we can hope for.

Every minute of every day we literally travel into the void of the universe. Life is a mystery we can explore in our limited lifetime. Set aside ancient beliefs, creeds, doctrines and worship liturgies; seek to explore and understand the human experience. Most importantly make your passage glorious and memorable.

Don’t worry, be happy. Chronic anxiety sucks.


Time slowed to a crawl; some would find painful.

I embrace the opportunity to live in the moment.

Instead of watching it race by the neuances I explore.

It’s not different than other moments.

But through depth and detail it brings me a smile.

It is a glimpse of insight enveloped by depth and complexity.

Centering my thoughts on a level deeper.

Concentrating on the simplicity of the underlying fabric.

The absence of an agenda, the love of the moment.

Painting a happy glow, illuminating the future.

Joy sneaks in and slaps you upside the head with a rough

and tumble frolic usually reserved for youth.

It is wonderful to not rely on memories

Instead, I’m fully appreciating the slow parade.

I could jump on the high speed train and wish my life away.

Not today.

I would rather stay here and explore each petal.

Will tomorrow crawl after I close my eyes to sleep?

I wish, I pray, and I know I can choose the speed the day slides by.


Remember those grade school days that lasted forever. Recess and lunch broke them up, but the end of the day seemed always to be hours away. Time was slow, with lots to learn. We were good at living in the moment. On the perfect days, we didn’t worry about what happened in the past or where the future was taking us. We didn’t even think about the abstractions of passing time. We lived fully present in the moment. Someone told us when it was time to play, learn, eat or sleep. There was so much to do in every second that the days passed slowly by. A school year or a summer vacation was an eternity. Waiting for the next Christmas or birthday was a seemingly endless amount of time.

Gradually we learned how past actions impacted the present. We built up a reputation centered on small and large accomplishments. We could hit the ball and win the game. Answer teacher’s questions and learn new skills. Time moved faster as we grew and filled our life with experiences. We stopped enjoying the current moment, dragging the baggage of the past and the hopes for the future into all of our actions. I can do that. I can’t do that. I am an expert; I am a loser. It all crashes together as we try to figure out our place and purpose.

We wish to move on, and go past the eternity of school. Progress is steady but at a snail’s pace. Then one day it is gone. You will continue to learn but the formal requirement is complete. The diploma says you are qualified. No one will ever look at it. Your actions and accomplishments become your qualifications. The paper says you know how to learn, what you do in life is your ticket to survival.

The working world exploits your skills and fills your days. Sometimes it consumes nights, weekends and every available moment. Families grow and jockey for attention. Every cycle is consumed, years fly by. You can’t even list a handful of items from any particular year as you ride the hurricane of life in the fast lane. You do your best to be sure your work provides for your family and try to maximize the quality time with friends and family. And then it is gone. Children grow up and move on to their own life, work ends with a retirement party where you buy the pizza.

Some days life speeds by, other days time stands still. You learn to appreciate both. Time becomes a friend, the meaning of your story falls into place. The good, the bad, the joy, the sad, combine to form a mosaic you cherish. It is mostly understood with a few rough edges. A few things to sort out, project work to complete our observation.

I could dwell on the things that didn’t go so well, instead I choose to be happy with the whole picture. Without the negative the positive would not seem so rich. Time still speeds by, much like the hurricane days of mid-life but more appreciated and more time is spent loving the current moment.

Don’t cry when my final moment ends we all will reach that point. I am thankful how rich and full my journey through time has been.

What’s in a title?

The title of my second book, “Seeking God at the Idol Meat BBQ’ actually had a lot to say. It said in no uncertain terms that the quest to put meaning into the concept of God would ignore the teaching of the New Testament apostle Paul. Paul said we know there is nothing wrong with the meat but we should not eat the meat sacrificed because it might impact the faith of those who believe eating sacrificed meat is wrong. My book title says to hell with misplaced faith, this isn’t about being nice to foolish notions, we are going to have a big ass BBQ to fuel our quest to find what we can believe about God.

I began by dismissing a good portion of the written words in all religions as self-serving human interpretation. So many have claimed to speak for God and know what he wants. We can’t even trust the words captured as the words of Jesus, Buddha or Mohammad as a true representation of their teaching.

I started research for the book as a Christian, who didn’t have faith in much of the doctrine and scripture, didn’t believe in prayer and questioned the existence of God. At the conclusion of my research, I found that my faith in the existence and nature of God was firmly established. However: Miracles, signs, virgin birth, fleeing to Egypt, even the crucifixion were called into question.

Early Christians saw the presence of God in the man Jesus and preserved his teaching by word of mouth. They continued to attend the synagogue and shared relevant points of his teaching after the Hebrew Scriptures were read. As had happened countless times throughout history the Jews contracted their circle of accepted practice to pure orthodox teaching when the Romans defeated and dispersed them. Christians who wished to continue worshiping with Jesus as a cornerstone needed to write down their story and desperately needed a martyr. A powerful force to bring people to God through Jesus.

Paul had said that Jesus’ life story was as the scripture foretold. The quest began to scour the Hebrew Bible for passages that described the coming Messiah. Memories of his teaching were grey and dim by the passing of time and constant retelling. Elements of the Greek cynic (Prophet) were adopted as a valid way to a pious life. The story evolved and the myth grew. In 30 to 40 years from 70 CE to 110 CE Jesus grew from the teacher of the WAY to God incarnate on earth.

The more cycles spent in analysis of the story the more I am inclined to focus on God and not worry about the Jesus story. I am pretty sure no religion has the story straight. Not Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist or Hindu nor any of the thousands of other belief systems. God is the underlying force of every atom in the universe, every man, woman and child regardless of belief owes their existence to God. Good, bad, indifferent, God observes, creates and evolves our world through every leaf, pine needle, blade of grass and human/animal/insect/reptile consciousness.

It is all about freewill and the love and joy found in watching it all play out. There is no being we can point to and call God. God is the most complex living organism in the universe. Being everything, everywhere; God is simply the living universe. There is no you, because you are a manifestation of God packaged you up as an individual soul to observe your aspect in the dance of evolution. Do you get to dance again, another place, another time, another body? Do we move on to explore a different level of existence? Do we merge into the one consciousness?

Make a wish, make it so.


I suspect you might call me a racist. It’s an ugly word; it is non-accepting even judgmental. It’s an exclusionist word. Being a racist is not acceptable in polite society.

You’re not from my tribe, religion or race. My daughters are off-limits to you. I suspect you of evil or at least being a danger to me.

I have had no bad experience, with diversity. I’ve seen people of race on the news and sitcoms. College and the professional world was a melding pot of the elite from many races. Every single encounter was positive, both casual interaction and professional collaboration.

Still I know I am a racist, harboring distrust of people who are different. I don’t wear it like a badge; I hide it deep down. I do my best to foster positive relations, respect, and collaboration. I know that deep down there is a wall that won’t allow outsiders entry into my heart.

I try to give everyone truth, justice, and respect, but it melts away quickly in the face of anger and violence. The persecuted who think they deserve retribution for hundred-year-old transgressions make me want to puke. Yes, slavery and brutality built a lot of this country, get over it, there is no undoing it. Racism is noticeably absent on TV. Shows like American Idol, The Voice, sitcoms, and all major sports, go out of their way to avoid showing any inkling of race bias.

I am isolated and only see racism on the national news. I see police so fed up with what they perceive as low life scum that they feel justified in exercising authority far beyond an acceptable scope. Even if it is only a half of one percent of police encounters with the public, it is unacceptable to use a badge to beat and murder. The response can’t be idiots destroying property and their neighbors livelihoods. We need accountability even if it means body cameras for everyone we give authority over others.

What does it feel like to be on the receiving end of racism? I honestly thought it was a non-issue a done deal, dealt with by the civil rights movement of the 60’s. I was naive; 60 years later it rears its ugly head in everything from police brutality to common discrimination. It is hard to give respect for people living in the past with the weight of a chip on their shoulder. It is also hard to give respect to a destructive ass with a negative attitude. I sit on the fence ignoring racism and living a Pollyanna life.

Without a deep friendship and years of interaction, racism is unlikely to change, accept that racism will always exist but keep it in check with justice and respect for the importance of our differences.

The problem has an immediate solution: if an alien threat arises to force humanity to abandon differences we will unite as one. There is always hope that global enlightenment takes the world by storm… neither is likely.


Since the dawn of time, you have shouldered the burden. It is a huge commitment to the future of the human race. At its best a quarter of every month is spent bleeding, preparing the womb for a new egg. At its worst cramps and moods torment you.

Endured endlessly month after month in the name of fertility. The sacrifice is unrewarded, unappreciated and expected because it is nature’s way. When a baby does appear inside you, the change is catastrophic. Swollen and stretched to near a breaking point. Luscious curves and supple skin are surrendered to the discomfort of pregnancy. The fear of childbirth gives way to the desire just to have it be over.

Then the baby comes after up to twenty hours of intense pain. Pushing, stretching and even ripping its way into the world. The joy of holding a new life in your arms helps you file away the burden you bear. You are woman; you are powerful and strong. The fact that unlike your ancestors, you didn’t have to squat in the woods to birth a new baby in no way diminishes the commitment and risk you took.

The intense love you feel for your child makes the sacrifice all worthwhile. When you are put on a pedestal, and protected don’t jump down in the name of equality. There is not a man in the world who can come close your contribution to humanity.

A “thank you” rings hollow for you and the thousands of moms that came before you. You truly are the unsung hero.